There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
