Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
