I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
