Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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