I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
