i permit you to call me
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize