she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
