he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
