i permit you to call me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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