Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
