What did we do last night that was yellow?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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