Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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