My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
