I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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