I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
