Redeem this text for a blowjob
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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