Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize