Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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