my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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