jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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