so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
