Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
