I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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