the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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