she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
