Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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