Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize