when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
