just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So apparently I’m into choking now
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize