Umm I'm too high to move.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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