new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize