The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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