Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
