Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We talked him into tasing himself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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