Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
