I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
