the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
