I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize