yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
