i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
