i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
