There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
