just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
