I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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