my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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