I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
