Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
