I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
