When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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