It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize