i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
