I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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