He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Randomize
