I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
