Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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