i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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