if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
