You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
