I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
