everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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