Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
