His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
