Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
