i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
