paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize