This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Randomize
