Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
