dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
