I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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