I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
