He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
