I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
