who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize