I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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