If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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