I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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