my shit smells like andre
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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