I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
